Friday, July 8, 2011
Discussion Starter
I just would like some advice. I want to know how you deal with other adults who disagree with your life choices, and how you are raising your kids. I have some wonderful family, but they constantly destroy so many of the good things I am building with the kids. An example: My mom will NOT turn the tv off, and she won't even keep good things on the tv when the kids are there. We try not to watch a lot of television for obvious reasons. What tv we do watch I try to make educational in some way. Another example: Trying to instill good eating habits we often shop at farmers markets, and the kids picked out snow pea sprouts. I put them in a salad when my parents came over for dinner and they asked why we were eating grass and told me it was disgusting. They don't have to choose to eat or like what we do, but shouldn't they be a little less obnoxious about it? CJ didn't want to eat them after his Meme and Pepe said they were yucky. What do you all do when someone is sabotaging your efforts at responsible parenting?
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I'm probably not the best person to ask, because I have a rather confrontational relationship with my mother so I tell her outright when she's crossing a line. I do the same with G's mother, who admittedly is much more unintentionally sabotage-y than my mother is. You definitely need to talk to them, not in front of the kids, and lay out the rules for YOUR home. And further? You don't insult ANYONE'S cooking, particularly as a guest! There's several levels of inappropriate behavior there. Anyway, if talking to them doesn't work, then I see NOTHING wrong with being confrontational about it. It's your house; it's your rules. Being rude at the table AND in front of your children is setting several poor examples. There is nothing wrong with explaining your kids are at a very impressionable age (and they are ALWAYS at that stage so knock it off grandparents!) and you need their help setting good examples. If they can't manage that, then they simply don't need to be invited to dinner. As far as the tv stuff goes, that's harder. Maybe sending the kids with mom-approved videos for babysitting through television? It's harder to complain when they're doing you a "favor" by watching the kids. I totally empathize though, because Kim (G's mom) never holds the kids to our standards. Rei positively acts BRATTY after spending time with her. It's disgusting. I seriously feel like I have to undo 8 months of their formative years because of that woman. Because I can't be there EVERY SECOND they're with her, you know? Gah...grandparents. Get with the program.
ReplyDeleteI keep struggling to come up with the right words, but all I can say is this... Stick to your guns and do what you know is right for you and your family. I know it can be hard when its your parents that make you feel like everything that you do is wrong, but for some reason it doesn't matter how old we get, our parents still think they need to tell us what to do and how to do it. While I do not have kids of my own, I am a step-mom to an 18 and 13 YO which comes with its own share of frustrations. You are on the right path, and don't let your parents make you feel bad because your choices differ from those that they have made.
ReplyDeleteI have always found that sometimes it is just better to work around parents. It's hard to change the ways of people that have raised you, they just figure they know what is best. I would suggest selecting nutritious but middle of the road meals when you have your parents over. About the tv, that is hard. Easy to control in yyour home, but its hard to tell people what to do in their home. I would suggest maybe bringing special dvds the kids want to watch to take there. Maybe the kids asking to watch them then they will at least put ones you select on.
ReplyDeleteThank you guys! You gave me some great advice, and now comes the hard part: putting it into practice! Jen- Would love to have you all over for dinner some time, please call or email me so we could catch up!
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